. . .

MOVED

2008-10-20T05:01:41Z

Because I'm too lazy to crackRP today but I'll do it tomorrow!

2005-09-28T02:57:04Z

Dear ~~Lord Lorenzo~~ ~~Lozzy-chan-poo~~ tardious,

I will rule the world and when I do, I will exterminate all penguins because kitties are much cuter.

No hugs and kisses for you,
~~Lord Loki~~, jujang

Dear Minions,

Join my merry band of evil, destruction, chaos, anarchy, and become my "Legions of Terror" and you all get free pizzas and ice cream.

With much glomping,
jujang

Ask my RP characters anything!!!

2005-06-13T04:05:30Z

Just a little tribute to my leaving!

Ask my RP characters anything! Ask as much as you want! Ask with your characters. Ask with your regular, boring RL journal! Ask, ask, ask!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S A FREE FOR ALL, DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIVE ME CRACK OR GIVE ME THE DEATH OF BOREDOM, YOU INFERIOR VERMIN BEINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT OR COFFEE FROM STARBUCKS!!!!!!!!

omg_symphonia: OOC!Lloyd (any of his three personalites), OOC!Rodyle, OOC!Linar, OOC!Harley, OOC!Mylene

tos_slash_rp: Mithos

omg_ff: IC!Marche and Llednar

jujang @ 2005-06-06T13:39:00

2005-06-06T17:44:44Z

"Let me tell you about the independent woman! When they work, they make $20 bucks per hour!

Let me tell you about the independent woman! THEY'RE TREATING MEN BADLY!"

A crowd of nearby women: XD
Me: XDDDDDDD;

~ Some homeless guy ranting in the subways. 7th AV station, E and V.

Gotta love some bitter homeless people rantings.

So yays, finally printed out my incomplete but entire novel. It's editing time next week on the airplane. ^.^

Tales of Symphonia drabbles.

2005-05-21T02:18:09Z

Thought I should wait but oh well. Crossposted them all to createdestroy.

Constructive Criticism is badly needed. Damn my awful grammar.

-----+-----

Zelos/Lloyd: Notes
Dear bud...

No, that doesn't work. This was just the only first two words and yet, I still can't find the words that I wanted to say. I had wrote too many rough notes and I threw all the badly written letters into the garbage because they're imperfect. Just like me.

Nothing works out for me.

Here I go scribbling again.

Dear Lloyd, here is my Cruxis Crystal. Please take care of it. And I'm sorry.

Yes, that would do for now. In that way, he will never know that I consider him as my best friend.

I love him.

Summary: 100 words exactly. Zelos/Lloyd angst fluff. Zelos doesn't know what to say to Lloyd in his note. Taken place during the Flanoir scene.

-----+-----

Lloyd/Colette: Peephole Tom
It was a small little hole but it was large enough for him to look through.

On the other side of the wall, there is Colette, bathing herself. It was a little hard to see due to the steam but soon enough, he could see well.

He cannot help but to stare. He cannot pull his eyes away.

There she was, carefully using her delicate hands to scrub her smooth, light pinkish skin. Water drips down her hair, her back, and her well-rounded breast.

Yes, she is beautiful being nude and he still loves her for who she is.

Summary: 99 words exactly. Lloyd/Colette. Lloyd is a pervert at the hotsprings. >D

-----+-----

Yuan/Botta: I'm always here
Yuan was sleeping off on his desk again. He should have been working but he didn’t.

His office was disorganized and in total disarray. It’s always up to me to clean it up after him.

As I was cleaning up his old papers that was supposed to be thrown away two weeks ago, he makes a small noise.

“Martel…” He mumbles morosely and continues to snore.

He has a pained expression on his face and I knew he had a nightmare. Out of empathy, I pat him on the head and I stroke his ponytail to soothe him.

It works. Slowly, he wakes up. He rubs his eyes and when he groggily looking at me, he mumbles tersely, “Headache. Need cold ice tea.”

“Yes sir.” I am always here to make his nightmares go away.

“And after you done, please help me clean up this mess.” He gestured at the pile stack of papers that cluttered up the space and in a slight aggravated and cranky tone, he berates himself, “I can’t believe I’m living in such vile garbage.”

And I am always here to clean up the mess after him that resulted from his inability to deal with the past.

“Hey Botta,” Yuan said softly. From his tone, it was the most casual way he had addressed to me, “Will you…always stay with me and be here always?”

“Of course,” Should I call him by his title? In this situation, I think it is better to refrain the formalities. “Yuan, I’m always here with you.”

“Thank you.” He smiled and he seems to calm down considerably.

I am always here, Yuan right beside you. Now, here, tomorrow, next year, in the next century, I am always here to pull you together as a whole again and prevent you from falling apart.

Summary: 302 words. Botta/Yuan fluff. Botta's point of view. yume_no_hikari this is your early birthday gift. I wrote it now before I forget. ^^

Ask my RP characters anything?

2005-04-29T23:38:29Z

So bored. This essay is going nowhere. :P

Wanna ask my RP characters anything? I like to see it on the same thread.

Ask my RP characters anything

2005-04-22T18:16:18Z

Spring break! This should put the load off my stress. I seen Monty Python and FMA last night before I went to bed and it made my day! I gather my sense of wacky humor again.

One of the skits in Monty Python inspired me to write a little TOS skit but I will write that tomorrow...

I still got some work to do:

Things to do

- Get relocated to LaGuardia: CC.
- Write "The Stranger: Meursault the Existentialist Hero" essay
- Write autobiography essay for the graduation award.
- Write my first resume.
- Whatever important I had thought off but too lazy to write down.

I just hope Spring break wouldn't be a crapola week last week. I'm going to hang in there.

By the way, since I'm in a very good mood.

Seen this going around. Ask my RP characters anything and have a blast! Dearest mun of "Yuan" is away for vacation and Angry!Lloyd has no one to insult the blueberry smurf.

tos_slash_rp: Mithos
OMG! Symphonia: OOC!Lloyd (remember which one to address) and OOC!Rodyle.

Quote: "The Island of the Day Before" by Umberto Eco

2004-10-17T08:14:33Z

"Is it difficult to reconstruct the actions and feelings of a character surely afire with true love, for you never know whether he is expressing what he feels or what the rules of amorous discourse prescribe in his case—but then, for that matter, what do we know of the difference between passion felt and passion expressed, and who can say which has precedence? So Roberto was writing for himself: this was not literature, he was there truly, writing like an adolescent pursuing an impossible mirage, streaking the page with his tears, not because of the absence of the lady, pure image even when she was present, but out of fondness of himself, enamored of love…"

-- from the novel, "The Island of the Day Before, Chapter One: Daphne" by Umberto Eco

Is it difficult to write but the best you could do is write for yourself, you'll be much happier.

jujang @ 2004-10-03T16:55:00

2004-10-03T20:56:24Z

*sighs*

I did it. I manage to pull it through and it's from memory since my rough draft is torn apart by my brother.

Ilada. W
6H1
10/3/2004
English AP

Fate vs. Freewill in Macbeth

Macbeth, a tragedy play written by the great William Shakespeare, is a story in irony and a cast of impressionable characters who possess their own classical archetypes of good versus in evil. The more prominent, main characters also have individual twisted sense of reality and morality, particularly the hero and protagonist Macbeth because in the beginning, he is a grand and victorious war hero with an outstanding and well deserving merit from his supporters and thus what seems to be a promising future of a marvelous rise of power only lead later as the story progress he lead his own downfall due to his self destruction, corruption and greed and fall into a path of violence and sin.

The questionable argument in this paper is whether Macbeth has led his own demise by fate or freewill? In the beginning passages of the play, readers could see that the witches have a role in Macbeth’s life because they gave him a prediction of his fortune and fate so thus left the reader believed that Macbeth life is lead by Fate and is nothing more than a pawn. On the other hand, perhaps Macbeth acts upon his decisions and his choices by his own free will.

Some readers believed that Macbeth has freewill because in act 2 scene 1, Macbeth visualized a dagger from his mind:

Lines 33-34: “Is this a dagger which I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.”

His unconscious desires somehow materialized in front of his eyes and his conscious senses are disillusioned and thus provoked to act upon murder of Duncan, the king of Scotland. Also the dagger is symbolic of Macbeth’s own masculinity and as he clutches the handle, this signifies that he has finally come in terms with his own ambitious desire and that is eliminating Duncan.

Lines 60-64: “Whiles I threat he lives;
Words to the heat of deeds too cold breath gives.
A bell rings. I go, and it is done. The bell invites me.
Hear it not, Duncan, for it is a knell
That summons thee to heave or to hell.”

And on the top of that, he had done it on his own free will. He could’ve control and restrain him and said no but he didn’t because the dark side of his human nature, his unconsciousness controls him and twisted his sense of reason and rationality and in addition it furthermore blurred his judgment and his morality and he has forgotten his loyalty to the king.

Or is it? No, it wasn’t because Macbeth wouldn’t have thought of committing regicide if it weren’t for his wife, Lady Macbeth. In act 1, scene 7, in the first passage, Macbeth made a soliloquy to himself and we could see that he is good at heart because he tries to reason with himself on why he shouldn’t murder Duncan to eliminate him from the throne and take his place. And yet he wasn’t so good at heart because he still wants to be king:

Lines: 26-28: “Vaulting Ambition, which o’erleaps itself
And falls on th’other--”

And thus rendered him a coward as Lady Macbeth applies later after his soliloquy. She further provokes him, saying he isn’t a man for being morally good and was a coward to have such ethic values to hold back his ambition. As for Lady Macbeth herself, she is just as ambitious as her husband except that she is the more evil and aggressive of the pair. She literally pushed her husband until he finally submits to her will and his and yet again Macbeth has no choice but to surrender his freewill and follow his fate.
Also the intervention of the supernatural, the witches’ role is important. Nobody realize that they’re fortunetellers until the events they foretold have occurred and happened. Unfortunately for Macbeth he didn’t realized it until it’s too late. He only looks on the good parts of his fortune and didn’t look at it carefully. Even though they said of Macbeth’s rise, they also said his fall too but in a very vague and subtle manner. That is, Macbeth didn’t realize the consequences and the outcome of the choices he choose until all things had happened and taken it in place. Each event is like a piece of puzzle and it doesn’t come to a full picture until that puzzle is picked up and been put together as a whole.

Act 1, scene 3, Line 68: “Thou shalt get kings, though thou be none.” So said the third witch, implying that both Macbeth Banquo aren’t destined to king but Banquo sons would be in the line of royalty and Macbeth didn’t take that into account until he murders Duncan. This hinted that Macbeth’s troubles are far from over even after he committed regicide.

In fact in the beginning of play, Act 1 Scene 1, line 11, “Fair is foul, and foul is fair.” So said the three witches and reveals the entire theme of the play, in which evil always wins and to achieve the ends, Macbeth must succumb to fate if he wants to get what he wants.

Even though I haven’t finished reading the play to explain my ideas articulately enough but it’s clear that throughout the story, there is no such thing as freewill for Macbeth in the entire play though I sympathize for him because he is a tragic hero. Since this is a tragedy, I predicted that Macbeth is going die because he might be a horrid king and he has so many enemies.

It's not so bad isn't? Once I doubled typed it, it would be barely three pages.

jujang @ 2004-07-07T00:48:00

2004-07-07T04:49:01Z

Yay~...

My dad finally get paid today and he gave me my $100 that he owes me.

Spent $55 to pre-order Tales of Symphonia at GameStop shop.

Got the free promotional poster of sexay Llyod and his friends. I didn't expect getting a poster.

Now all I had to do is wait until next Wednesday to pick up my promotional artbook and the game itself.

*froths at the mouth and rubs her grubby, greedy hands*

Had to say my mother isn't too pleased with my purchase. I wish she stops nagging. I'm young and irresponsible in terms of handling money and I pretty much don't give a damn about saving money for higher priorities.

If I get the game, which is assured already, it means I won the argument, cased closed. Bugger off mother.

A humorous entry for everyone.

2004-06-16T02:40:15Z

All evening long I am reading smut fanfiction of Aragorn/Boromir for LOTR. The ones that end with an unrealistic happy, fluffy ever endings make me go yay! ;_; *tears of an overly enthusiastic fangirl*

Anyways here some poking some small fun at religion! It's from this board somewhere:

Taoism: Shit happens.
If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Shit happens, so flow with it.

Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,
she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it)
Please this flower and buy our shit.

Confucianism: Confucious say, "shit happens".
Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen PROPERLY."

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
Shit will happen again to you next time.

Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?

7th Day Adventism: Shit happens on Saturdays.

Hinduism: I've seen this shit before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
This shit happening IS you.

Protestantism: If shit happens, it happens to someone else.
If shit happens, praise the lord for it!

Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Episcopalianism: If shit happens, hold a procession.

Lutheranism: Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.

Anglicanism: It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it.
You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit.

Charismatic Catholicism:
Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you
anyway.

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to US?
Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?

Reform Judaism: Got any laxatives?

Islam: If this shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
If shit happens, take a hostage.
We don't take any shit.

Nation of Islam:
Don't take no shit!

New Age: That's not shit, it's feldspar.
A firm shit does not happen to me.
This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
I create my own shit.
If shit happens, honor it and share it.
Sheeeeeeeeeeit!
Were all part of the same shit.
For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.

Wicca: If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
The Goddess makes shit happen.

Jehovah's Witnesses:
No shit happens until Armaggedon.
There is only a limited amount of good shit.
Knock Knock, "shit Happens."
Here, we insist you take our shit.
Shit happens door to door.

Secular Humanism:
Shit evolves.

Darwinism: Survival of the shittiest.

Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.
Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.
Our shit will take care of itself.
Shit in in your mind.

Atheism: I don't believe this shit.
It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going to taste it.
Shit doesn't happen. shit is dead.
No shit!

Religion from an Atheist's point of view:
I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's shit.

Agnosticism: It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so
I'm not sure whether its shit or not.
What is this shit?!
How can we KNOW if shit happens?
You can't prove any of this shit

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Hey, this is good shit, mon.

Mormonism: If shit happens, shun it.
Excrement happens (you can't say shit in Utah)
Hey, there's more shit over here!
Our shit is better than your shit.
Shit happens again & again & again ...

Energizer Bunny:
Shit happens and keeps going and going and going and...

Baptist: You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
We'll wash the shit right off you.

Southern Baptist:
Shit will happen. Praise the lord.

Iraqi Baathist: Oh shit!

Voodoo: shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
Let's stick some pins in this shit!
This shit's gonna get you

Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop
happening.

Unitarianism: What is this shit?
We affirm the right for shit to happen.
Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.
It's not the shit that matters. It's the process.

Orthodox: St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.

Greek Orthodox: shit happens, usually in three's.

EST: I am at cause that shit will not happen.
You're responsible for all the shit that happens.

Fundamentalism: There's no shit in the Bible.
Shit happens, but don't publish it.

Twelve Step: shit happens one day at a time.

Amish: Shit is good for the soil.
This modern shit is worthless.

Shintoism: You inherit the shit of your ancestors.

Moonies: Only happy shit really happens.

Stoicism: This shit is good for me.

Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time.

Bahaism: Why do you keep shitting on us?

Mysticism: This is really weird shit.

Paganism: Shit happens for a variety of reasons.

Rajhneesh: Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.

Rosicrucianism: What is this AMORC shit?

Satanism: We hope bad shit happens to all of you.
We will make your shit happen.

Witchcraft: Mix this shit together and it will happen

Scientology: All this happens to be shit.
If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.

Shamanism: Whoaa...Holy shit!

Sikhism: Leave our shit alone

Sureshism: You are all pieces of shit.

Dianetics: "Why does shit happen?" (p. 157)

Universism: Let's figure this shit out!

jujang @ 2004-02-05T22:16:00

2004-02-06T03:16:46Z

Ilada.W
3H1
English

Critical Essay: Good vs. Evil in Literature

All conflict in literature is, in its simplest form, a struggle between good and evil. I agree with this statement. Evil comes in many different forms and when it is expressed in literature, we always read how it comes into conflict with the good and how it resolved from the struggle. In my opinion, Evil is divided in two ways, external evil, and internal evil. Two literary characters, which I hold dear and admiration to, give support and an in-depth explanation to my opinion.

The first character to illustrate the struggle against external evil is Buck the dog from “Call of the Wild” by Jack London. Buck is born with a good life in the civilization of man. In the beginning of his life, he does not know the meaning of evil. He is naïve and in this state, he is vulnerable and soft. One day the life he knew is been robbed after a bad man kidnapped him after losing a lot more than he could bargained for in his gambling habit of Chinese lottery. Buck was then shipped to the artic and was sold to labor and pull in a dog sled. Many of his masters abused him senseless until Buck learned the evil ways of man. Man’s corruption of greed oppressed Buck mentally, emotionally and physically. In order to survive to stay alive, Buck turns “evil” as self-defense mechanism to protect himself and by the means of living. To adapt to the harsh environment of the frigid Klondike, he destroy all the morality he knew from his old life of civilization and settle in to the laws of the jungle. It’s to eat or to be eaten alive! He gradually grew suited to this harsh life, become strong enough to the point that he could even destroy the Alpha-dog, Spitz, and dominated as the leader of the pack.

Later he is open to more abuse when he transmitted from one master to another. His masters cruelly maltreated him and his pack to the peak of death. Death seems like a more merciful option then to endure men evil apathy for animals. Later in the story, a man named John Thornton has saved Buck and nourished him back to health. John Thornton is a good man. He represented all that is good in man and civilization. He taught Buck to learn to love and trust man. By this time, Buck is in conflict with himself because he learns to be wild from his cynical distrust of man. He learns to trust John Thornton in time but he could not fight for being whom he is, a wild animal that meant to belong to the wild. Civilization becomes alien to him because the corruption of his past masters destroyed all moral goodness in him and his belief in the goodness of man and Civilization itself. In the end, a tribe of Indians murdered John Thornton while Buck is away on hunt to satisfy his bestial natures for a few days. In rage, Buck murdered the Indians to avenged John Thornton’s death and after a moment of mourning, he return to the wild in liberation from all civilization, never to suffer man’s evil again. In truth, Buck is never evil in the first place, he sees man for who he is and does what he had to do to survive by the laws of nature.

This is a good example of external evil. Evil comes from people who thinks they are superior more than others. They use their superiority to abuse people like dogs because they think they are better than others are and use this as an advantage to exploit people. External evil affects the victim and the victim decides for himself whether to adapted, endure and stay oppressed or, more optimistically, rise to challenge his enemy in opposition and take over to destroy his position of power. In history, it could be a start of revolution. External means the outside. It affects or stimulates the condition of the environment the inhabitant lives in and the inhabitant respond, merely in this case how he respond to evil and it’s a common theme in many pieces of literature, for example the hero prince rescued the princess from the evil dragon in his kingdom.

Internal evil on the other hand means experiencing the conflict of evil internally in the mind. “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” by Robert Louis Stevenson, best illustrates the struggle between the good and evil that is inside us. In the story, Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is the same person. Dr. Jekyll said that man has dual natures, good and evil and they were in constantly in struggle against each other and how it applied to his behavior. Dr. Jekyll wants to separate his two personalities individually and the results are dire consequences. Spawns from his evil is Mr. Hyde.

As Hyde, he does wicked deeds and murders random people without remorse. There is “No Jekyll” in Hyde, but as Jekyll, Hyde own thoughts constantly plaque him into submitting into temptation. The real irony is Jekyll felt ambivalent toward his evil twin, he remarked, being evil is liberation from a repressing moral conscience. His example of his desires to be evil, teach us that we could feel a total catharsis from all reason and rationality that civilization taught us. Later when Jekyll becomes Hyde for too long, he felt guilty for his crimes and torments himself when Hyde’s personality is strongly overriding and becomes dominating, concluding that to end Hyde is too suicide.

Everybody can relate to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personalities. We are often in constant battle within ourselves. We possess evil thoughts that could be or not to be controlled. No matter how much we could lie to ourselves how much good we are, evil is always a part of us. Internal evil is the temptation man’s nature respond to, his need to eat, his need to sleep, his need to have sex, and all of his necessary basic needs to survive. Society however, ingrains man forcibly with a moral conscience, saying what is ethically right or wrong because Society is controlling man as a civilized creature, superior above others because we have the brains and the intelligence to make ourselves superior. It what makes us distinctive than all the other creatures. In literature, it’s common to see internal evil in the works of the characters’ minds, for example in cheesy romances, the husband cheats on his wife for a younger woman but he is constantly agonizing himself because he still love his wife, however he has a duty for his mistress because his mistress is pregnant, etc.

Therefore, in conclusion, all conflict in literature is, in its simplest form, a struggle between good and evil. Be it from external evil, conditions in the environment and how others treated us and shaping us into who we are or internal evil, in which we struggle the temptations of our senses by repressing it with the conscience of morality. Evil is a part of ourselves and define us of who we are. With evil characters, we could identify who are good characters by seeing what they do in their actions in the story because evil characters help us see the humanity in this world. That is why we need evil characters to cause conflict in literature.

Finished! If you have any opinions different than mine, feel free to criticize. I won't bring this essay in until Tuesday. I had to use two characters to suppot my positive opinion that all forms of literature is about the conflict of Good vs Evil. Beware of long ramblings! I finished very quickly so I could have a free weekend to start my History project.

Harvest Moon: A wonderful life

*FANGIRLY SCREAMS*

If I preorder the game now, I'll get a free PLUSHIE COW! *____* Luckily my mom is a big fan of Harvest Moon too! :D

jujang @ 2004-01-04T23:43:00

2004-01-05T04:43:13Z

So you decided to be evil!

*giggles* Now that is humorous!

My neck is sore because I had to work fast on my essay but it's done.

Ilada.W
3H1
12/27/03

Coming of Age novel essay: On the book, “His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass”

The story of the novel, “His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass” by Phillip Pullman tells of the story of a young and spunky heroine eleven years old, Lyra Belacqua and her daemon familiar Pantalaimon. This is a dark fantasy tale on a coming of age journey of self-discovery, lost of childhood innocence, questions of maturity and morality, and the adults’ quests to search for the original sin. It deals with a certain universal experiences—taking on responsibility, resisting authority, discovering the flaws of trusted and revered adults. A take on the evitable path of the transition between graceful, brutal childhood and self-aware maturity

It spans in a linear series of three volumes and “The Golden Compass” is volume one, so reading all three books are essential to understand the entire story. Volume two is “The Subtle Knife” and volume three is “The Amber Spyglass.” The story itself is complicated with dark themes that a young reader would not understand but an older reader will. In addition, it is a fantasy story as well because this story is about finding other worlds besides our own. (So in other words, finding a different dimension but there is more to it in the story.)

The story begins when Lyra is an innocent wild child. She lives in the Jordan College where she spent her childhood. Scholars or people who studies in the college raised her and home schooled. Her only blood-related guardian is Lord Asriel but for all Lyra’s life he is not attentive to her as most guardians would but Lyra respected him immensely. He is a very powerful figure in the story.

The Scholars teach her what they know but it is not the same with the systematic way of learning in schools. Lyra did not go to a school; she stays in the college for all her life so her knowledge is limited to what she knows and so she is naïve and unsophisticated to the complex outside world. She hangs out with the village children and play games with them in her past time. Her gang usually bothers the villagers for the sake of annoyance because it is fun for them.

Her daemon is Pantalaimon. Daemons are like spiritual familiars. In Lyra’s world, everybody is born with a Daemon. Daemon are usually the opposite sex of it’s owner and can shape of any animal while it’s owner is still a child and progresses through puberty. When a Daemon owner grew older, it will settle down in one form of an animal. This Daemon and Human relationship is symbolic of the owner’s level of feelings and maturity on a sub-conscious level.

Conflict arises when Lyra’s uncle Asriel go away for an expedition to the Artic North to find answers for his experiment. To her knowledge, he is searching for the original source of “Dust” (Original sin) that is linked to the mystery of the missing children that disappeared in thin air. Lord Asriel believes that the original source of dust not only exists in their world but in other dimensional worlds as well. He believes that the other worlds are beyond the other side of the Aurora or the “Northern Lights.” He went on to his expedition to experiment and search for the “bridge” to cross over to the “Northern Light.”

After Lord Asriel goes away to his expedition, more and more kidnapped children disappeared to the north for reasons unknown to the adults. When Lyra is close friend, Roger, the kitchen boy, disappeared; her curiosity to search for the truth behind the mystery grew on her. She decided to take matters into her own hands and run away to find her best friend.

It did not happen until after she discovered more facts about “Dust” first. Before she run away on her own, she believes that Roger is just lost and missing. The Master of the Jordan College decided to send her away with Mrs. Coulter as her new guardian. He gave her an alethiometer, the truth meter, which it is the Golden Compass itself. The alethiometer very power instrument has the power to tell the truth of all things. Lyra can ask the alethiometer questions. The needles will go around and point at a symbol. The reader must figure out the meaning behind the symbol to figure out the alethiometer answer.

Lyra’s ran out from Mrs. Coulter’s party after she learned that the Oblation Board has something to do with kidnapping of children and their daemon. She is enraged to hear the truth that it was they who had kidnapped the children for the purpose of their scientific experiments. What do they actually do to the children and their daemon in their experiments? Lyra does not know but she is determined to find out and she hopes that her friend Roger is not a part of any experiments.

She tried her best to journey to the Artic but later she joins with the Gyptians, the village people that she lived with back in her hometown. They too search the missing children. On their journey, Lyra meets up with an exiled “armored bear,” strong polar bears, feared as great warriors, named Iorek Byrnison. She discovered that his identity is that he is the prince of all armored bears who has been exiled to prevent him from taking over the throne by another bear king. Also during her journey, she discovered that uncle Asriel has been hold prisoner in the armored bear kingdom.

Actually she discovered that Uncle Asriel and Mrs. Coulter are her parents!

Later hunters caught who brought her to Bolvangar, a place where all the kidnapped children were kept for the Oblation Board experiments. From there she learned that the adults were searching for Dust between pre-adolescent children and their daemons by “cutting” between them. Can you imagine your soul being ripped away from you, while physically you are still alive? It is like being alive with no soul of your own.

Why adults in the story were so worried about Dust? They think it is a bad thing, so they tried procedures and experiments to eliminate and avoid Dust. This applies to real world when a (religious) person tries to avoid all forms of sin but in turn, they make their lives worst or feel less fulfilled with their lives mentally and emotionally and end up hurting themselves.

So here comes the conclusion of the story. Lyra escapes from Bolvangar and manage to free most of the imprisoned children and she reunites with her friend Roger. She get lost and then been captured by the armored polar bears and been held as prisoners. She uses her cunning to trick the bear king and help Iorek to regain his throne for he is the rightful heir. In doing so, she also released her father Asriel.

The story did not come to a happy ending however. Lyra’s father kidnaps Roger, along with Mrs. Coulter chasing Lyra. Asriel than “cut” between Roger and his Daemon and Roger is dead. By doing this, he opens the way to Aurora above him and the way to the other world (dimension) and he disappeared in the new world. Lyra and her daemon decide to go to the other world as well and vow to discover the secret and the truth of “Dust.” Therefore, ends book one and to be continuing in book two where Lyra and her daemon are in a completely new world.

My description of the storyline is vague and it was only a scratch. There is more to the story and the sequences of events but I shorten it just to make my point. “The Golden Compass” is an extremely long and complicated story.

In my opinion, it is not suitable for young children. The novel has some anti-religion themes especially against Christian values. The author made his point when he wrote about destroying “The Authority” in which in Lyra’s world, the pope of the church and God himself. Many accused the author of teaching kids atheism, the evil of the Church and Christians who are evil, manipulative, authorities and murderous.

I don’t believe that the story was an attack on Christianity. While I myself, is semi-agnostic and I believe that the story is teaching us to judge and see the world ourselves besides seeing the world through the eyes of authority. That is the message of “coming of age” in the story, when kids grow into adults, they must think for themselves by thinking of their own values and judge which the most important action is in the best interest of them. That why a lot of teenage rebel against the adults by breaking their rules and question their authority. The adults in turn instilled the rules to keep their kids safe. When a teen turns older, their parents eventually have to let go but guide them to have responsibilities and regard consequences.

It sucks and it might as well earn me a C. >.< I'm lethargic so I am very vague in this essay. I don't know what the hell I'm talking either! O.o I lost my mind.

*sighs* Anyway now this project is done, I had to move on to the next one. My 10 page history research essay. I had to write Native Americans during the Civil War and I had 6 weeks to go.

Obstruction, obstruction, obstruction...

In other things I had a weird dream last night. I dreamed that I could fly but barely and then I got crashed in a fountain and drowned. XD

Ps: s8riot I will help you with the FFTA fanfic you're working on! ^^ But it will take a while for me to answer because I am lazy and lastly, studies are my first priority. Reading quickly over your FFTA fanfic idea (every characters seems to be in character) I'm hooked and it inspires me to work on my FFTA fanfics. I haven't played FFTA for while so I will come around to answer your questions because I need to refresh my memory of the game. (*goes to gamefaq.com)* Perhaps I will help you around in late January during Regents week. >_>

A poem

2003-12-28T00:46:24Z

Animal so shy and small,
Dreaming you were Bold and Tall--
You hesistate, all sensitive,
Waiting for a chance to Live.

Time is swift, it races by;
Opportunities are born and die...
Still you wait and will not try--
A bird with wings who dares not
rise and fly.

But that You you want to see
Is not you, and will never be.
No one else will ever do
The special things that wait
inside of you.

You can be a guiding star,
If you make the most of Who You Are.
And the sensitivity
That you're now ashamed to see
Can be developed even more,
So you can find the hidden doors
To places no one's been before.
And the pride you'll feel inside
Is not the kind that makes you fall--
It's the kind that recognizes
The bigness found in being Small.

-- The Te of Piglet by Benjamin Hoff

I'm bored and I had to start writing my essays. So I wrote out this poem from the book I am currently reading now and I'm going to put it in my memories because it was really good and uplifting.

jujang @ 2003-11-07T19:51:00

2003-11-08T00:51:37Z

batshit fanfiction

Ha. To sum it all up:

sil_no_kozi:

If you cannot handle the concept of constructive criticism, you may completely forget about any aspirations of becoming a writer, professionally or otherwise.

jujang @ 2003-10-23T21:57:00

2003-10-24T01:57:45Z

I did it.

I finally did it!

I finish my analysis poems essay assignment for my English class! FUCK YEAH! FEAR MY RAMBLINGS! Hehehe, I'm skilled at that. =)

Ilada.W
3H1
10/21/03
English

Analyze Essay: Compare and contrast works of Emily Dickinson and Walt Whitman

Emily Dickinson was born Amherst, Massachusetts during the mid 1800’s. She

was raised in the Puritan tradition of New England. The same tradition that had nurtured

Anne Bradstreet in the colonial period and torment Nathaniel Hawthorne during the

Romantic Age. Refusing to allow this tradition to shackle her mind, she as a poet

grappled with the most profound concerns of life and the awful mysteries of death.

Emily’s Dickenson poems are very short in length and tightly compressed. Her

poems describe moments of heighten awareness of individualism and in language in

which the messages of her poem is direct and concise, layered with deep meanings. She

write with the reflections of individualism even in little details, her poems ignores

conventional rules of capitalization and punctuation. Since her poems are untitled, editors

usually take the first line of her poems as a title.

One of her poems that demonstrate her concerns and understanding of death is “Because I could not stop for death.”

Because I could not stop for Death---
He kindly stops for me—
The Carriage just held Ourselves---
and Immortality.

He slowly drove---He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For his Civilly---

The speaker of the poem is already dead. She already has met Death. She

personifies death with human characteristics by describing him as polite and civil. She

could not stop for death but Death kindly stops for her, suggesting that she could wait for

Death to pick her up anytime but she cannot stop Death whenever she wishes. When the

speaker died, she put away her labor and leisure for death, meaning she left her living life

behind for the afterlife.

We passed the School, where Children stove
At Recess---in the Ring
We passed the Fields of Grazing Grains---
We passed the Setting Sun---

The words used in this verse are symbolic with meanings. As the speaker rides

towards to immortality, she looks back her life in three stages of her life. The

schoolchildren that play in recess in the ring could possibly represent her childhood. The

fields of grazing grain mean the growth of maturity into adulthood. Think of this in this

way, grains grow up in tall sprouts then compare it to the speaker’s growth to old age

when is alive. The last sentence, setting sun, is the last stage of her life, old age to death.

Or rather—He passed Us---
The Dews drew quivering and chill
For only Gossamer, My Gown---
My Tippet---Only Tulle

The Dews that quiver and chill could mean that she has merge with the spiritual

world as she left her old life behind as she enter the afterlife of the souls of the dead. Her

attire of thin clothing suggests transparent spiritual qualities.

We paused before a House that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground---
The roof was scarcely visible---
The Cornice---in the Ground

Since then---‘tis the Centuries---and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses’ Heads
Were toward Eternity---

The speaker’s new home is her grave. The roof is the swelling above ground

while is the piled dirt. Ever since then, many hundreds of years go by but time seems

short. Then again has no meaning anymore because from then on, she comprehends the

eternal life of her immortality. This poem is about a literal look at a life after death and

the transition to the afterlife while comprehending the eternity of immortality, reflectively

leaving the old life behind. It could also mean that death is transformation through a

different perspective.

During 1860s, she lived in almost total physical isolation from the outside world

and seldom left her house and lives as a recluse. Visitors were scarce. She actively

gathered and maintained many correspondences and read widely. Her poetry reflects her

loneliness and the speakers of her poems generally live in a state of want; but her poems

are also marked by the intimate recollection of inspirational moments, which are

decidedly life giving and suggest the possibility of future happiness.

Walt Whitman, another poet, lived during the same time as Emily Dickinson. His

poems are a much more different style, contrasting to Emily’s works. In his poems,

Whitman responded to the spirit of his country. His images attempt to encompass all of

American life. His language reflects the vigor and tang of natural speech. His verses

sprawls and expands so that the sentence carefully and gracefully matches its subject. His

cadences created new rhythms, distinctly American. Most of his views are strongly

against an oppressed and repressed society.

One of his poems that reflect his nationalism and his concerns with the problems

of society is “I Sit and Look out” from his famous book, “Leaves of Grass” which

contain a huge collection of his poetry and works. It was published during and after the

Civil War.

I sit and look out upon all the sorrows of the world, and upon all
oppression and shame;
I hear secret convulsive sobs from young men, at anguish with
themselves, remorseful after deeds done;

The speaker, which is Walt himself, reflected the evilness of the society and how

it crushes down young men because of all the oppression. Young men feel shameful of

themselves for their deeds they done because Society enforces the guilt of morality upon

them.

I see, in low life, the mother misused by her children, dying,
neglected, gaunt, desperate;
I see the wife misused by her husband—I see the treacherous seducer
of young women;

The Society treated women as unequal inferiors to men. Their lives are restricted

to housework and serving her family. Their husbands abused his wife until the wife will

ultimately die from over work and neglecting of her desperate needs. Walt view evil men

as treacherous seducers abuse whom too often women for their selfish needs. This also

reflects his view on the mistreatment of women and men greed.

I mark the ranklings of jealousy and unrequited love, attempted to be
hid—I see these sights on the earth;
I see the workings of battle, pestilence, tyranny—I see martyrs and
prisoners;

This verse speaks of the repressive feelings of human desire. The next line sees

the workings of evil itself, the persistence of oppressive reign of tyranny and its

pestilence, a pernicious, evil influence and agent on the weak and defenseless as well as a

disease to all. The result will be the death of prisoner and martyrs who died for a good

cause. It could also symbolize the atrocities of the Civil War which Walt experience

personally.

I observe a famine at sea—I observe the sailors casting lots who
shall be kill'd, to preserve the lives of the rest;
I observe the slights and degradations cast by arrogant persons upon
laborers, the poor, and upon negroes, and the like;

He speaks about the soldiers who are dying for their nation. The sea is the

battlefield that is plague with famine (hunger) and death. The soldiers died to preserve

the lives for their people. Then in the next sentence he observe the poor people, laborers

and the negroes slaves are being treated unfairly by the arrogant often the rich aristocrats

who looks down to any people with great scorn and disdain and treated them with awful

degradation.

All these—All the meanness and agony without end, I sitting, look out
upon,
See, hear, and am silent

Finally, the last sentences of the poem, Walt observe the agony and

suffering of the humanity that has been inflicted by the inhumanity, sitting and watching

as it passes him by…he himself couldn’t do a thing about it to change a thing. He just sits

there, speculates and stays silent and keeps his thoughts to himself .

Walt Whitman style is to expressed his thoughts exactly as he wants and be as

expansive as he can so that each and every word he written makes a heavy point with a

great depth. They are more like long, eloquent speeches expressed in “free verse” which

it is very much unlike Emily’s style in her poems, anyone who reads poem frequently

could spot the difference between the two poets style of expression. Also in content,

Emily is concern with her personal problems and herself since her poems was never

meant to be circulated for the public. After she died only eleven poems were publish

anonymously. Not until 1955 when all of her 1,775 poems were published in a three

volume edition that collected and compiled by Thomas H. Johnson and readers can

finally be able to understand and appreciated Emily’s poetic genius.

Walt Whitman wrote and publishes his poem publicly because he wants express

his democratic passions and concerns and let the people know directly. Unfortunately, his

book, “Leaves of grass” is not a hit since the Society is strongly living during the

puritanical times with puritanical beliefs. His beliefs are not appreciated until much

decades later when the look, sound and range of American poetry change and his poems

are become the central works of the history of poetry.

Decades after Emily’s and Walt’s death, their unique style of poetic elements has

change the formal, conventional rules of poetry expression and American poetry has

never again been the same.

Ignore the akward format, it doesn't look right when I post it here as well as the grammar error because I'm not concern with it and I'm too tired to look over. Also I'm bit biased in my essay, I like Emily Dickinson's poems over Walt Whitman. XD

Now I'm going to reward myself by eating Rice Krispies marshmallow treats, I'm hungry!

Then I'm going to play Golden Sun 2 again. I played the game for three hours last and I'm done exploring the Jupiter Lighthouse! I quit the game right before I met up with the old part from Golden Sun 2! Yay, I meeting Issac, Garet, Ivan and Mia again! ^_^

Also I'll reward myself by writing some of my fanfics or original fics over my (sorta) free weekend! Also I want to read my new books that I borrow from the library today.

Tomorrow will be a half day and I'll be dimissed from school at 11:45 am. I plan to go to my fave comic book store to read any new magnas after dissmissal but then my mom told me that I had to cancel it because she needs to go to a doctor about her arthritis in her knee. She needs knee braces for support. =(

Another thing...I got a mail from my school that my 10th period class, Humanties which I didn't take for almost 2 months was canceled. Actually it never exist in the first place and I find that very funny. A non-existant class!

See YOU tomorrow, I now have the flexibilty to comment! =)

PS: Must update this and possibly use a new layout and this!

Civil Disobedience: Is it wrong to be right or right to be wrong?

2003-10-11T01:27:27Z

11th grade sophomore-esque stupidity.

Hear me blabber my philosophy. I wonder how my English teacher is going to stand it. :]

Civil Disobedience: Is it wrong to be right or right to be wrong?

(A persuasive essay on the morality of men/women’s conscience, basing on “Civil Disobedience” by Henry David Thoreau, in favor of civil disobedience.)

By: Ilada. W
Class: 3H1

——— † ———

Disobedience, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude. ---

The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce

——— † ———

Is it wrong to be right in the things you believe in? Sometimes it takes more than courage and confidence to speak up for ourselves. It always takes a strong direct action to make a point in a non-violent way. Anyone who knows wiser knew that violence never solves anything. Violence leads to more violence and it only leaves an impression of barbarism and savageness.

Civil disobedience occurred usually when the government unfairly treated the people they should be. They went corrupted, abusive of their power to the people who have chosen them to execute their will. The people, civilians of the government state, decided to disobey the government laws in non-violent protests for the sake of change. They merely acted according to their conscience sense of morality, on what is right and wrong.

“But a government,” Quoted Henry David Thoreau, “In which the majority rules in all cases cannot be based on justice, even as far as men understand it.” I agree, justice alone cannot serve the people well. “Can there be not a government in which majorities do not virtually decide what is right or wrong, but conscience?” It is as if the government unfairly looks after us, the civilians, without heart. Justice only does justify the means of punishment without compassion or mercy.

This is probably why I have seen so many unusual punishments on criminals on T.V in court. Recently I seen the news concerning about a mentally ill woman who killed her own children by drowning them in the bathtub. She is diagnosed as schizophrenic and her own reasons for the murder of her children are her paranoia. The jury of the court prosecuted her to be jailed for life. The judge even said himself that he could not find it in his heart to find any mercy or compassion for the woman and her crimes. My memory is fuzzy on this story but I do remember that I strongly feel that it is unfair for the woman who is a mental disabled to be punished for a crime that she is not truly aware off. Even if she does forget to take medication, we should never blame the mentally disabled harshly just because they could not act or live properly like the Society because anything abnormal is out of bounds of the Society. I myself never blame mentally disabled people for their acts because they are challenged and couldn’t do well as properly as we normal people do and I always believed they are innocent. (I feel strongly about this issue because of my autistic brother.)

Laws exist to keep order in a Society. They existed for the sole purpose to protect the all civilians of the Society, keeping everything normal according to the government standards of justice for the sake of Society itself.

What is the Society through my perspective? Society is a collective of people who are the same. As anybody becomes a part of the Society, you could not be yourself anymore and forcing yourself to be gradually torn away from being an individual because Society calls for you to be the same like everybody.

The government’s job is to enforce laws to protect Society the way it is. However, “Unjust laws exist,” Said Thoreau, “Shall we content to obey them until we have succeeded, or shall we transgress them at once?” In my point of view, why wait for the laws to be accepted by the majority? Are we just to sit back and hold back our own conscience and let the majority rule? This is the problem with most of the laws these. The minority opinion is overruled especially if the majority is wrong and unfair. What I’m arguing here is that a major lack of people rarely look insides themselves, to seek their own conscience and seek the truth of reality with themselves because as Thoreau puts it, “Men generally, under such a government as this, think that they ought to wait until they have persuade the Majority to alter them. They should resist, the remedy would be worst than evil But it is the government itself that the remedy is worse than evil .IT makes it worse.”

The “remedy” is Civil Disobedience. It happens because our conscience is denied and we are unable to speak out for ourselves. Our opinions are denied; crushed under the Majority voice of the government. This is injustice, and as Thoreau puts it, “If the injustice is a part of the necessary friction of the machine of government, let it go, let it go: perchance it will wear smooth –certainly the machine will wear out.” To the government we are like machines, we must obey to their law and act upon it with no sense of emotion, conscience, soul and everything about you yourself.

“If the injustice has a spring, or a pulley, or a rope, or a crank, exclusively for itself, then perhaps you may consider whether the remedy will not be worse than the evil; but if it is of such nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law.” If injustice puts us and everyone else in the community in jeopardy then break the law by disobey it. How do you do that? Well, by acting as outrageously as possible. Deduce your reasons into absurdity that even if your reasons sound ridiculous, it actually makes direct sense to make sure your rights are pointed out clearly. Even if you are a law abiding citizen, resorting to civil disobedience is the only way to “avert the greater harm of the Evil” of the government. Many protesters are willing--and even see it as their duty--to be arrested, even when the police really do not want to arrest them.

When it comes to choose civil disobedience, receiving punishment is part of breaking the law and a willingness to do time in jail, to endure consequences, ensures that a protest is not an exercise of coercion but of nonviolence. A true house for a just man is a prison. Thoreau puts it clearly, “The only house in a Slave state in which a free man can abide with honor. If any think that their influence would be lost there, and their voices no longer afflict the ear of the State, (as well as the Government I would like to add.) that they would not be as an enemy within its walls, they do not know by how much the truth is stronger than error, nor how much more eloquently and effectively he can combat injustice.” In addition, his word on the majorities and minorities to support my argument on it, “A minority is powerless while it conforms to the majority; it is not even a minority then; but it is irresistible when it clogs by its whole weight.”

After all if “justice” puts all people who protested in jail, it wouldn’t change their mind even if they’re punished severely. Protesters usually get charged with low-grade misdemeanors punishable by a fine or a few days in jail. Most judges and police recognize that whatever else the protesters are, they are not criminals.

Civil disobedience is a not a crime, even if it means to break the law. It is only meant to protest and disagree with the injustices of the laws and civilly ask for change for a better law that is just and fair. As long as we taken the trouble to learn and prove what is right or wrong by the means of the morality our conscience, we often learn more that by being wrong for the right reasons is better than we do by being right for the wrong reasons.

I might earn a B or a C because I'm being repetive and using the same words over and over and it's obviously I hadn't heard of the thesaurus. ^^; But I got the whole 3 day weekend to revise it and clear it up. :)

*go eats a chocolate cookie*

I'm so exhausted that I need sugar to revive myself. x_x

By the way, I got my PSAT practice booklet. Studying is (sortof) fun. I know I had to improve my math skills.

jujang @ 2003-09-24T20:11:00

2003-09-25T00:11:03Z

OMG HARRY POTTER SUICIDES HIMSELF!

Hmm... idea!

2002-12-03T00:23:55Z

I've been listening to X Japan mp3 "Rusty Nail" It's good! It took me a while to find the translation but here it is for my amusement:

I'm looking at a rose painted on my memory's pieces
It covers my interrupted memories in my unchanged dreams
Oh rusty nail

If I only let my tears flowing,
I would perhaps be able to forget you
Just tell me my life
Wherever I will walk,
In my tears I won't see my tomorrows

I forget the ended week-end's wounds
Even shrouded by the flowing time they pierce my heart
Oh rusty nail

If I only let my tears flowing,
I would perhaps be able to forget you
An asleep rose of a beautiful color faded
Blooms in your heart

If your smiling face lived, certainly
The night reflecting in your eyes would only let a shining dream
You go and meet morning, forgetting loneliness
You shroud with your tears your red wrists
Night is ending

My memory's door shakes when I close it
It covers my interrupted memories on my blue lips
Oh rusty nail

If I only let my tears flowing,
I would perhaps be able to forget you
Just tell me my life
Wherever I will walk,
In my tears I won't see my tomorrows

Your broke my painful heart... even now
I can't forget you

~

Starring at the roses of my broken memories
Those fractalized memories piled up in changing dreams
Oh... Rusty Nail!

But I'm only shedding tears
You've probably forgotten
Just tell me my life
That I can finally find my way out
'Cause I can't see what's going to happen tomorrow through my tears

At the end of the first chapter, my pain was forgotten
Surrounded by the running time, my heart was thrown away
Oh... Rusty Nail!

But I'm only shedding tears
You've probably forgotten
Gorgeous sleeping roses
That are blooming into your heart

The same face is still living
The light mirrored in my eyes is reflecting the dreams behind
The morning is meeting the forgotten loneliness
And the bloody wrists are healing thanks to tears
The night ends

The door of memories is ready to close again
Unforgottable memories, kept by my blue lips
Oh... Rusty Nail!

But I'm only shedding tears
You've probably forgotten
Just tell me my life
That I can finally find my way out
'Cause I can't see what's going to happen tomorrow through my tears

Today again my wounded heart is still broken
But you've forgotten

~

‚³‚ß‚«‚Á‚½ŠX‚É•Ê‚ê‚ð‚°
in a town that was beginning to wake I told her I was leaving

r‚ê‚‚é‚¤ŽhŒƒ‚Ég‚ð‚³‚ç‚¹
my body was taken over by excitement which was raging like crazy

‚ ‚¢‚Â‚Ì“µ‚ÍŒõ‚èŽ¸‚¹‚½
the light in her eyes vanished

”R‚¦‚‚é‚¤S‚Í‘€‚ê‚È‚¢
but my heart which burned like crazy wasnft manipulated by that

—‚ê‚½ˆ¤‚É—¬‚³‚ê ‚¨‚Ü‚¦‚Í‘S‚Ä‚ðŽ¸‚Á‚½
as I shed the love that got confusing you lost it all

g‘ÌŠÑ‚‹©‚Ñ‚Å ‚¨‚Ü‚¦‚ÌS‰ó‚µ‚Ä‚â‚é
with your scream that went straight through my body I broke your heart

ŽK•t‚¢‚½Œ¾—t“Š‚°ŽÌ‚Ä‚Ä
shrugging off the words that got rusted together

’£‚è—ô‚¯‚éS‚ð‰ð‚«•ú‚Ä
I set free your broken heart

~‚è‚µ‚«‚é‰J‚É”w‚ðŒü‚¯‚Ä
in the down pouring rain, I turned my back on you

‘§‚Ã‚“z‚ç‚ÉŒ¾—t‚Í‚È‚¢
without telling a soul

–„‚à‚ê‚½Žž‚ÉŒË˜f‚¤ ‚¨‚Ü‚¦‚Íˆ«–²‚ð‚³‚Ü‚æ‚¤
When you were buried by it all you were perplexed, and roamed around in a nightmare

ŒŒ‚Ì‹Ck‚í‚· Noise ‚Å ‚¨‚Ü‚¦‚ÌS‰ó‚µ‚Ä‚â‚é
With the noise of your shaking blood I broke your hart

‚w Š´‚¶‚Ä‚Ý‚ë ‚w ‹©‚ñ‚Å‚Ý‚ë ‚w ‘S‚Ä’E‚¬ŽÌ‚Ä‚ë
X! Make sure you feel it! X! Make sure you scream! X! Let it all fall off your shoulders!

‚w Š´‚¶‚Ä‚Ý‚ë ‚w ‹©‚ñ‚Å‚Ý‚ë ‚w S”R‚â‚¹
X! Make sure you feel it! X! make sure you scream! X! Let your hart burn!

X ! You don't have to hesitate !
Get yourself out !
You know You are the best !
Let's get Crazy !

~

I'm walking in the rain,
though everything seems to be hurting me for some reason.
There is only nothing.
Just kill me now ... as I roam forever.
Until I can forget your love.

To me sleep is a confusing, narcotic
that only quiets the beating heart.
All my love seems to flow from my body like a heart felt memory.
I keep my love for you to myself.

*Endless rain, fall on my heart In this wounded soul.
Let me forget, all of the hate, all of the sadness,

Days of joy, days of sadness slowly pass me by.
As I try to hold you, you are vanishing before me.
You're just an illusion.
When I am awake, my tears have dried in the sands of sleep.
I'm a rose blooming in the desert.

It's a dream, I'm in love with you.
Hold me warmly in your arms.
I awake from my dream
I can't find my way without you

The dream is over.
I can no longer hear the voice of your gentle words.
Floating off tear stained walls.
So awakening in the morning, I'll move into my dreams ...
until I can forget your love.

repeat *

Endless rain, fall on my heart, in this wounded soul.
Let me forget, all of the hate, all of the sadness.
Endless rain, let me stay a memory in your heart.
Let me take in your tears, take in your memories.

Art of life By X Japan

2002-08-12T17:08:48Z

ART OF LIFE

Desert rose
Why do you live alone
If you are sad
I'll make you live this life
Are you white, blue or bloody red
All I can see is drowning in cold grey sand

The winds of time
You knock me to the ground
I'm dying of thirst
I wanna run away
I don't know how to set me free to live
My mind cries out feeling pain

I've been roaming to find myself
How long I have been feeling endless hurt
Falling down, rain flows into my heart
In the pain I'm waiting for you
Can't go back
No place to go back to
Life is lost, flowers fall
If it's all dreams
Now wake me up
If it's all real
Just kill me

I'm making the wall inside my heart
I don't wanna let my emotions get out
It scares me to look at the world
Don't want to find myself lost in your eyes
I tried to drown my past in grey
I never wanna feel more pain
Ran away from you without sayong any words
What I don't wanna lose is love

Trough my eyes
Time goes by like tears
My emotion's losing the color of life
Kill my heart
Release all my pain
I'm shouting out loud
Insanity takes hold over me

Turning away from the wall
Nothing I can see
The scream deep inside
Reflecting another person in my heart
He calls me from within
" All existence you see before you
must be wiped out :
dream, reality, memories and yourself "

I begin to lose control of myself
My lust is so blind, destroys my mind
Nobody can stop my turning to madness
No matter how you try to hold me in your heart
Why do you wanna raise these walls
I don't know the meaning of hatred
My brain gets blown away hearing words of lies
I only want to hold your love

Stab the dolls filled with hate
Wash yourself with their blood
Drive into the raging current of time
Swing your murderous weapon into the belly
" the earth "
Shout and start creating confusion
Shed your blood for pleasure
And what ? for love ?
What am I supposed to do ?

I believe in the madness called " now "
Past and future prison my heart
Time is blind
But I wanna trace my love
On the wall of time, over pain in my heart
Art of life
Insane blade stabbing dreams
Try to break all truth now
But I can't heal this broken heart in pain
cannot start to live, cannot end my life
Keep on crying

Close my eyes
Time breathes I can hear
All love and sadness melt in my heart

Dry my tears
Wipe my bloody face
I wanna feel me living my life outside my walls

You can't draw a picture of yesterday, so
You're painting your heart with your blood
You can't say " no "
Only turning the wheel of time
With a rope around your neck
You build a wall of morality and take a breath
From between the bricks
You make up imaginary enemies and are chased by them
You're trying to commit suicide
You're satisfied with your prologue
Now you're painting your first chapter black
You are putting the scraps of life together
And trying to make an asylum for yourself
You're hitting a bell at the edge of the stage and
You're trying to kill me

I believe in the madness call " now "
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I haven't found what I'm looking for
Art of life
I try to stop myself
But my heart goes to destroy the truth
Tell me why
I went the meaning of my life
Do I try to live, do I try to love in my dream

I'm breaking the wall inside my heart
I just wanna let my emotions get out
Nobody can stop
I'm running to freedom
No matter how you try to hold me in your world
Like a doll carried by the flow of time
I sacrificed the present moment for the future
I was in chains of memory half-blinded
Losing my heart, walking in the sea of dreams
Close my eyes

Rose breathes I can hear
All love and sadness melt in my heart
Dry my tears
Wipe my bloody face
I wanna feel me living my life outside my mind

Dreams can make me mad
I can't live my dream
I can't stop myself
Don't know what I am
What lies are truth ?
What truths are lies ?

I believe in the madness called " now "
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I haven't found what I'm looking for
Art of life
I try to stop myself
But my heart goes to destroy the truth
Tell me why
I want the meaning of my life
Do I try to live, do I try to love

Art of life
An eternal bleeding heart
You never wanna breathe your last
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I'm feeling for
A rose is breathing love in my life